6am! Alarm! My car is being stolen!
In my sleep, I hear the car alarm going off. Usually, when a car alarm goes off, it’s nothing. But I decided to go upstairs and check it out anyway. It’s the middle of the night, don’t know what time.
I’m looking for my house keys, to get out and check, but can’t find them anywhere.
The alarm is still going off.
Still looking for my house keys. Nowhere to be found.
Suddenly I hear voices coming from outside. Holy crap!
I run upstairs, open the window and lean out to look at my car. Whoever is there has started the engine and switched the lights on.
I run back down. Now looking frantically for my keys! WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY KEYS? Did I forget them outside the door? Is that how they have gotten access to my car.
I take a peek at the time. It’s 6am.
Also, I’m naked. Looking for something to wear, so that I don’t run out, chasing my stolen car with my ding dong shaking left and right. It would be stupid enough with my flips flops clapping along with my running.
I grab a sweater and tie it around my waist. YOU IDIOT! Sweaters are designed in such a way that they only cover either your front or your back. Fuck it. I’ll wear it sideways. That way it covers one butt cheek, one testicle and my penis.
I hear the car revving.
I shout from inside the house, where I am locked, a loud HEEEEEY, and run towards the door to open its little, metal bar-protected window.
The car stops in front of my door and the driver says to me “Calm down! Calm down!”. It’s my parking guy!
I take deep breaths and he is laughing.
He has a key, but not one to disable the alarm. I didn’t expect him to need to move my car, so I hat put the alarm on.
I look at myself and realize how ridiculous I look. This is the closest I have ever gotten to getting the feeling of having my car stolen right before my eyes.
It’s a good thing I didn’t end up managing to run outside, 3/4 naked, in my flip flops. I wouldn’t have been the only one with a hilarious story to tell.